one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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