i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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