im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
