Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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