Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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