Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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