hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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