Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
