she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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