u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
