I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
