The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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