ugly people sure do ruin things
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
