Plan B is the new Plan A
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
