hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
