Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
