he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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