Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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