so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
