epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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