woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
