Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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