The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
