No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
