She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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