ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
