So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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