your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
