theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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