I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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