he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
