I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
