Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
