This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
