So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
