i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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