Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
