at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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