My Higher Power is John Stamos
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
