On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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