dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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