Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
