I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
