i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I AM VODKA MAN
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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