i barfeds in our rink
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
