why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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