i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
being pregnant is like rehab
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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