Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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