I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
