thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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