On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I deserve this hangover.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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