you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
