whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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