never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize