I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
