My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
