I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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