I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
