i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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