I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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