On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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