he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
