you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
