I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just pee around me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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