That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
