I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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