we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
