what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize