They should really pass out barf bags in church
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
