How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
