My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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