It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
