I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.