Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.