You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.