$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
