Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
