maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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