Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
