Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
