Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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